The Business End of Death - 4 (The Funeral - Part 1)
Funerals are really for the living. When someone dies, and there is no funeral, it’s like having a close friend leave your party without you having a chance to say goodbye. There is an emptiness, a disconnect.
Funerals may be simply at the graveside, and if you are not expecting many people to come, that may be the best location. It will certainly save on the funeral cost because there will be no need to rent a chapel. But if the weather is poor, or hot, or if there are over 20 people in attendance, a graveside funeral can be a poor place to say goodbye.
The funeral itself will normally be held either at a church, or in the chapel at the funeral home. When I began in ministry over thirty years ago, funerals consisted of a few hymns, and a sermon by a minister which might mention a brief biography of the deceased. Today, funerals have at least one prayer, several hymns, a eulogy (where the deceased’s live is reviewed with fond remembrances from family and friends), and a devotional thought based on scripture. A funeral should be less than an hour in length, and normally, funerals at which I officiate last somewhere between thirty and forty-five minutes.
You will need six “pall bearers” to carry the casket after the funeral to the hearse. The funeral home will ask for their names in advance and provide special seating for them. Pall bearers should be physically fit enough to do this job - able to lift about forty pounds with one hand and walk with the load a distance of fifty feet. Sometimes families choose to honor close friends by making them “honorary” pall bearers. These have no obligation to carry the casket, but will proceed behind the casket and in front of the family.
Will the casket be open during the funeral, or closed? I recommend closed. The family will be given a chance to gather privately around the open casket before the funeral. Once the casket is closed, it should not be reopened. Grief is a powerful emotion and can cause unexpected responses. I have officiated at funerals where the casket was re-opened after the funeral for everyone to pass by, and I have had, at that point, grief stricken family members nearly crawl in a casket and refuse to let go of the deceased.
Trust me. It can be horrible.
But perhaps this is a good time to mention how Christians should handle grief.
Losing a loved one is tough. We grieve. Our hearts are broken. But Christians know that life does not end at death, and our hope has never been fixated on this life. We always knew we were going to die, and we know our friends and family are going to die. But according to the promise of God, we look for a new heaven and a new earth, a country in which righteousness dwells. And so, while we mourn the passing of one we’ve loved, we do not mourn like the world. Our expressions of grief should be neither inconsolable nor dispassionate and stoic. They should be the grief of a people who know that, for the Christian, death is swallowed up in victory. Our grief is tempered by our hope.
Next week: Music, eulogy and "at the grave."
Funerals may be simply at the graveside, and if you are not expecting many people to come, that may be the best location. It will certainly save on the funeral cost because there will be no need to rent a chapel. But if the weather is poor, or hot, or if there are over 20 people in attendance, a graveside funeral can be a poor place to say goodbye.
The funeral itself will normally be held either at a church, or in the chapel at the funeral home. When I began in ministry over thirty years ago, funerals consisted of a few hymns, and a sermon by a minister which might mention a brief biography of the deceased. Today, funerals have at least one prayer, several hymns, a eulogy (where the deceased’s live is reviewed with fond remembrances from family and friends), and a devotional thought based on scripture. A funeral should be less than an hour in length, and normally, funerals at which I officiate last somewhere between thirty and forty-five minutes.
You will need six “pall bearers” to carry the casket after the funeral to the hearse. The funeral home will ask for their names in advance and provide special seating for them. Pall bearers should be physically fit enough to do this job - able to lift about forty pounds with one hand and walk with the load a distance of fifty feet. Sometimes families choose to honor close friends by making them “honorary” pall bearers. These have no obligation to carry the casket, but will proceed behind the casket and in front of the family.
Will the casket be open during the funeral, or closed? I recommend closed. The family will be given a chance to gather privately around the open casket before the funeral. Once the casket is closed, it should not be reopened. Grief is a powerful emotion and can cause unexpected responses. I have officiated at funerals where the casket was re-opened after the funeral for everyone to pass by, and I have had, at that point, grief stricken family members nearly crawl in a casket and refuse to let go of the deceased.
Trust me. It can be horrible.
But perhaps this is a good time to mention how Christians should handle grief.
Losing a loved one is tough. We grieve. Our hearts are broken. But Christians know that life does not end at death, and our hope has never been fixated on this life. We always knew we were going to die, and we know our friends and family are going to die. But according to the promise of God, we look for a new heaven and a new earth, a country in which righteousness dwells. And so, while we mourn the passing of one we’ve loved, we do not mourn like the world. Our expressions of grief should be neither inconsolable nor dispassionate and stoic. They should be the grief of a people who know that, for the Christian, death is swallowed up in victory. Our grief is tempered by our hope.
Next week: Music, eulogy and "at the grave."
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