The Business End of Death - 5 (The Funeral - Part 2)
Funerals normally have at least one prayer, several hymns, a eulogy (where the deceased’s life is reviewed with fond remembrances from family and friends), and a devotional thought based on scripture.
Music
If you have hymns, the first consideration will be “how” they are to be done (even before you decide “which” ones they will be).
* Will the hymns be sung, or will they simply be instrumental? If instrumental, you will need to arrange for a talented person or persons to do that (and there will be a fee involved).
* If the hymns will be sung, will the singing be “live” or will it be by recording? If by recording, the family is responsible for making sure the funeral home (or the church) can actually broadcast the recordings for the service. The family will also need to provide those recordings. Neither the funeral home nor the church is responsible for arranging this.
* If the singing is “live,” will it be done by a soloist, chorus, quartet or singing group? Neither the funeral home nor the church is responsible for making such arrangements. You or your designated funeral arranger will have to arrange for this. Does your church have such a person or group that does funerals? If not, a live chorus (or even quartet) is not the way to go. If the singing is done “live” will it be “congregational” (everyone sings)? In the Church of Christ, all our worship singing is done acappella. Acappella at a funeral works well provided those who attend can sing, and are used to singing acappella. I have officiated at funerals where the family wanted acappella singing, but where most of those in attendance did not sing acappella and therefore, it did not work well. Unless the funeral is held at a church building, congregational singing will require the family to arrange for hymnbooks or songsheets for those gathered.
You will need a list of the hymns to be used. Normally, there are four or fewer hymns.
Eulogy
The eulogy is a time for recounting the deceased’s life, including accomplishments. You should prepare a document that will highlight your life (where you were born, where you went to school, whether you served in the military, etc.). Do not presume your family knows this. I have now lost count of the number of times family members didn’t even know where mom or dad were born (it’s disgraceful – but there it is). What about this person has made his life special? There should be one main person to speak and his or her presentation should be no longer than 12 minutes.
Here is also a time for family and friends to participate and tell stories that illustrate why the deceased’s life was important to them. Two cautions: First, you should know precisely who is going to speak. The minister or person in charge should not just say: “Would anyone like to come up and say a few words?” There is always the chance that no one will respond. The silence will be deafening. Second, everyone who speaks should have a prepared script from which to read, and they should be sure they can read it without reducing themselves to a puddle. I normally recommend immediate family members not speak during this time unless they can do so confidently. It is appropriate for those who do not want to speak to have the minister or someone else read their remarks. No one person should speak longer than 3 minutes, or have a script longer than 2 typed pages. This part of the service should last no longer than 20 minutes if it is done well, less if it is not done well.
Devotional Meditation
Normally presented by the minister (who may also do the eulogy). The devotional meditation should last no longer than ten minutes. The minister will use that time to emphasize one or more of the following: holy living, the brevity of life, the finality of death, the certainty of judgment, and the promise of hope.
Program
Sometimes there are programs but if so, unless the funeral home or your church specifies otherwise, the family is responsible for preparing these. The following is a suggested outline for a funeral:
2 Hymns
Eulogy
Hymn
Devotional Meditation
Prayer
At the end of the funeral, the director of the funeral home will dismiss the assembly. The pall bearers will bear the casket to the hearse and the family will follow the pall bearers (check with your funeral home on this – customs are different in some areas) out to the hearse and to the graveside.
Graveside
At the graveside, the minister may say a few words, or read a scripture and have a prayer (or you may elect to have close friends do this). The casket is then lowered into the grave. Most funeral homes require families to leave while the grave is filled in, then return later.
Next week: A summary checklist
Music
If you have hymns, the first consideration will be “how” they are to be done (even before you decide “which” ones they will be).
* Will the hymns be sung, or will they simply be instrumental? If instrumental, you will need to arrange for a talented person or persons to do that (and there will be a fee involved).
* If the hymns will be sung, will the singing be “live” or will it be by recording? If by recording, the family is responsible for making sure the funeral home (or the church) can actually broadcast the recordings for the service. The family will also need to provide those recordings. Neither the funeral home nor the church is responsible for arranging this.
* If the singing is “live,” will it be done by a soloist, chorus, quartet or singing group? Neither the funeral home nor the church is responsible for making such arrangements. You or your designated funeral arranger will have to arrange for this. Does your church have such a person or group that does funerals? If not, a live chorus (or even quartet) is not the way to go. If the singing is done “live” will it be “congregational” (everyone sings)? In the Church of Christ, all our worship singing is done acappella. Acappella at a funeral works well provided those who attend can sing, and are used to singing acappella. I have officiated at funerals where the family wanted acappella singing, but where most of those in attendance did not sing acappella and therefore, it did not work well. Unless the funeral is held at a church building, congregational singing will require the family to arrange for hymnbooks or songsheets for those gathered.
You will need a list of the hymns to be used. Normally, there are four or fewer hymns.
Eulogy
The eulogy is a time for recounting the deceased’s life, including accomplishments. You should prepare a document that will highlight your life (where you were born, where you went to school, whether you served in the military, etc.). Do not presume your family knows this. I have now lost count of the number of times family members didn’t even know where mom or dad were born (it’s disgraceful – but there it is). What about this person has made his life special? There should be one main person to speak and his or her presentation should be no longer than 12 minutes.
Here is also a time for family and friends to participate and tell stories that illustrate why the deceased’s life was important to them. Two cautions: First, you should know precisely who is going to speak. The minister or person in charge should not just say: “Would anyone like to come up and say a few words?” There is always the chance that no one will respond. The silence will be deafening. Second, everyone who speaks should have a prepared script from which to read, and they should be sure they can read it without reducing themselves to a puddle. I normally recommend immediate family members not speak during this time unless they can do so confidently. It is appropriate for those who do not want to speak to have the minister or someone else read their remarks. No one person should speak longer than 3 minutes, or have a script longer than 2 typed pages. This part of the service should last no longer than 20 minutes if it is done well, less if it is not done well.
Devotional Meditation
Normally presented by the minister (who may also do the eulogy). The devotional meditation should last no longer than ten minutes. The minister will use that time to emphasize one or more of the following: holy living, the brevity of life, the finality of death, the certainty of judgment, and the promise of hope.
Program
Sometimes there are programs but if so, unless the funeral home or your church specifies otherwise, the family is responsible for preparing these. The following is a suggested outline for a funeral:
2 Hymns
Eulogy
Hymn
Devotional Meditation
Prayer
At the end of the funeral, the director of the funeral home will dismiss the assembly. The pall bearers will bear the casket to the hearse and the family will follow the pall bearers (check with your funeral home on this – customs are different in some areas) out to the hearse and to the graveside.
Graveside
At the graveside, the minister may say a few words, or read a scripture and have a prayer (or you may elect to have close friends do this). The casket is then lowered into the grave. Most funeral homes require families to leave while the grave is filled in, then return later.
Next week: A summary checklist
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